Fear
by Chrisy Nicole
Summary: Consumed by fear can suck! i would know, fear is all i have, and i live with it on a daily basis. death shouldn't always be on your mind. its always on mine. welcome to my hell. enjoy my nightmare.


**FEAR**

**PLEASE REAS THIS!**

**This is a kind of preview for this story that I want to start writing as soon as I finish Trapped. But I wanted to get this out there because it's been kind of haunting me the last few days. I just to let you know that this is going to be a story about the things that I go through on a near constant basis and no one understands this fear (only it's going to be a little exaggerated). Most of the things in this story are almost straight from my mind.**

**This scene in particular is straight from a dream that I had a few days ago. It freaked me out, intrigued me, and disgusted me. This is a brief look into the sick inner working of my mind. This is practically verbatim, besides the fact that the main characters are going to be from Twilight.**

**This story will most likely be rewriting for the real story when in get around to writing it. But right now this is what you all get.**

**I own nothing, just the twisted dreams and images that haunt me. Enjoy. Flamers welcome.**

*****cCc*****

**BPOV**

I'm not entirely sure how I got here or all this started, but it didn't start off all that bad. A quiet forest at night with the best boyfriend in the world is not a completely bad thing. We were in a small field surrounded by trees, laying down and looking up at the stars. Our hands were intertwined and our bodies pressed close together, my head resting on his shoulders, his other hand making swirls on my skin, giving me goose bumps were his fingers passed over.

We weren't alone, we almost never were. There were other people, other couples, a family or two, but all I could think about was him, laying next to me. How perfect he was, how amazing. I was shocked that anyone could love someone as much as he loved me, damaged me. He knew the things that haunted me and just holds me when I'm overcome with fear. He would whisper things to calm me down, to make me forget everything but him. I felt this overwhelm safeness whenever I'm with him.

If I was alone right now, if he wasn't here, if no one else was here, if I was just by myself, I would be having a panic attack. My body would be alive with this surging electricity. I would feel the eyes of something watching me, and this feeling that I was about to die. These aren't melodramatic thoughts, they are all true feelings. I feel consumed with a feeling of dread, that something bad is about to happen, that I am about to be killed by some invisible thing that I can't see but can harm me in every way. And those are the things he gets. The emotions that I feel that only he can soothe.

A man races into the clearing, disrupting the quiet peace and the calm of this most precious moment. He starts yelling about something that he lost, something he wants, needs, us to help him find. I don't know what it is, I can't understand him. Everyone else seems to though. And I get dragged up and pulled from the clearing into a small path way. More trees pass by, I love the smell and feel of trees. I want to reach out and tough one, but I'm being dragged to fast and it would hurt if I did. I let myself follow the warm hands dragging me and the perfect person they're connected to.

We keep running and people are searching frantically for what is lost. We are between a man, his two sons, and their dog and another couple. We are running too fast and the littlest boy is getting right under my feet. I want to stop running, I don't like it. I'm getting tired and I want to sit down and rest, maybe go back to the clearing and lay back down and look at the stars. But I don't want to be alone so I keep following them.

Everyone was running every which way. I was getting confused with which way we even started. Finally we curved into a path that forked two different ways. Half of us went one way and the other half went another. Thank god we weren't separated. I still felt safe, so I followed the now small crowd. No one found what we were looking for yet, and we continued to run. Abruptly everyone stopped, I nearly fell into the little boys in front of me, but he pulled me back, keeping me on my feet. I smiled at him, but was rushed off again, as we started running the other way, the way we came.

When we reached the fork, I noticed something was wrong. But I didn't have time to think about it, because the other party came from the other side, and they looked different too, and we started running again. But we started running on a new path; one that led us passed a lake with a pond off to the side. I felt this need to go swimming just then, but I was pulled off passed the water and into another clearing, one that glowed a sick green.

I realized that something was seriously wrong. I clung to him like my life depended on it, like I would die without him. I felt dread wash over me and I was overcome with fear, something that never happened what I was with him. Never. And then I heard a shrill, piercing scream; one of death and fear. Tears sprung to my eyes and I stopped breathing. A harsh laugh, a banshee's wail really, consumed us all.

A girl came flying out of the dense forest that surrounded us. She was swinging on a thick vine, wrapped around her waist. Her eyes were hollowed out and her body was covered in cuts and all her nail were torn off and her mouth was open in an eternal scream. I sank to my knees in fear. And I heard others screaming as panic completely gripped the people surrounding us. They started running and soon I was pulled off my knees, following them.

We were back on the path leading to the lake and the pond. There was a body in the lake face up and I could see a hollowed out scull and torn clothing. The water had a green glow, but the water itself was a thick red that didn't resemble water at all. I turned to look at the trees we were passing and I dreaded it almost immediately. Bodies littered the trees. People of all ages and all genders and all ethnic groups were represented here. Dead not breathing but all sharing in the fear of their horrible deaths.

Some people had white eyes or white hair dyed in fear. Others had no eyes, gouged out by something sharp with rudimentary skills. Some had no teeth and some had no tongues. Some had no face and some of them had no brain. All had open mouthed screams and fear filled features and cuts and bruises. They were wrapped to trees with vines and some had animals picking at their dead flesh, insects crawling in and out small crevices. A scream was stuck in my throat looking upon them, vomit threatening to explode form my body.

Another hackling laugh, followed by more blood curdling screams, and another body flies out of the forest and swings right in front of me. This time I do scream. But he pushes it away and pulls me forward. I try not to trip, I try to just focus on running, I try to not look up at the people on the trees, but then I see bones in the hard packed earth. Faces and skulls plainly visible, hands reaching out to grab me, make me fall, and bring me into their twisted family. I keep running and I hold on tighter to the arms keeping me running, keeping me upright.

We finally reach the fork in the road, and with horror I realize what was wrong in the first place; the path leading us back to safety, leading us back the way we came and out of this horrible nightmare, was gone. Only the split paths that lead us nowhere. And more dread fills me as I realize that I am the only one who notices and we are all running to our deaths. I fill empty and hopeless and I urge to run had run dry. I want to just sit and rest and I want to touch a tree and I want to go swimming.

Another scream, another laugh, and more terror. We run and split up and we run to the same place that we ran to before. Everyone stops and looks around. They're all panicking, but I feel this sickly overwhelming calm. The need to follow them gone, but still holds me strong and I follow him back down the path that we had come from. We meet up with the other half of our party, but now it's only a quarter of the party. People are missing and as we are running back toward the blood liquid lake I notice their corpses on the trees, claimed by the forest. Fear on their faces and their bodies mangled. Vomit again threatens to escape my mouth. I keep running.

There are more bodies swinging back and forth into and out of out path. Some people got fed up and ripped the bodies down. We stampede over them and ground their bodies in to the dirt, making them the new path. As we approach the lake I see a body I know is dead trying to crawl out of the pond. Its liquid contents were blue, but were not water. It was more of an acid. I can say this because the body was missing its lower half, and the rest of its body was slowly disintegrating.

We reached the final clearing and looking around there was only a hand full of us left. I turned to my sweet, perfect boyfriend. And I whispered that I didn't want to die. He squeezed my hand and we started running again. I wondered if we would just run back and forth until the forest finally consumed us and displayed our bodies on show for its next batch of food.

There are more bodies in the lake and the rest of the crawling corpse is gone. There are more bodies on the trees. There are more bodies in the dirt. There are more bodies swinging from the darken, hidden depths of the forest. Dodging them, we continue running.

By the time we make it back to the fork, only my solid rock and I are left. More dread filled me when I feel his hands slip away from mine. I trip and fall down. Without him there, I feel no need to pick myself up. I hear another of those harsh screams and a feel a body hit my body. Another scream and another body. I don't want to be hit by fucking swinging corpses. I don't want their fucking blood on me. I don't want to look into their fucking dead eyes, or fear fill faces, or no faces. And I don't want to fucking smell the stench of their decaying selves. I don't want to look into my future. I just want it to be fucking over.

Without my rock, my peace, the need to go on, to pretend to be strong is gone. I just want it to end. I want it all to end. I get up before another body hits me, and I start walking down the fork in the road. I hear scream after scream and laugh after laugh. I hear the sound of the dead forest and I smell the rot of decaying flesh. I see bodies and I see faces and I'm fucking tired of it all, I'm fucking scared of it all.

I walk right up the point where everyone stopped walking earlier and I walk right past it. A new kind of fear grips my heart and squeezes, till I can barely breathe. I keep walking. Slowly the bodies stopped appearing, the rot stopped wafting up to my nostrils, and the screaming and laughing became more and more distant.

I took a deep breath. I felt a calm come over me. It was over. All I had to do was walk past invisible barrier. I just need to overcome my fear. I didn't need the help of someone else to help me through my fears, I didn't need to follow the crowd to feel safe. I just need to trust in myself. I had approached a light, like the breaking of a new day. I felt like it was all about to be over. I was about to be free. I was finally at the end. I could go home. The light was gray and the dirt turned into a paneled concrete, like the streets of an old London.

And then I heard a shrill, piercing scream; one of death and fear. Tears sprung to my eyes and I stopped breathing. A harsh laugh, a banshee's wail consumed the deathly quiet of the surrounding area. And I was back in the grip of fear. I realized that I was kidding myself to think I could do this alone. No. I was tricked into believing in myself. This was a sick game.

Suddenly there were these things crawling from out of buildings and holes in the ground. They were the like the bodies in the forest, but they were taller, seven or eight feet, and cloaked in black capes. Most of the capes were shredded, exposing their naked bodies and their gray leathery flesh. None of them had faces. It looked as though they were eaten off. Their fingernails were long and were either broken or cracked. Their fingers were long and thin.

I was frozen in place and I couldn't stop looking at the thing that was crawling out of the hole right in front of me. It crept closer and closer to me. Its cape was completely intact and it looked as though it was gliding, slowly, toward me. It raised its hands to either side of my face. I heard that banshee scream coming from its gaping head hole. I was momentarily confused by how it could make such a noise.

I was brought back to the creature before me when its fingers ran roughly over the skin on my face and a hiss escaped its hole. Its fingers did in fact feel like leather and were warm and meaty and completely degusting. The vomit that had been threatening me all evening had finally decided to present itself. I leaned forward to hurl it all out of my system. The thing let me, but then brought me back up as soon as the last drop of vomit left my mouth.

It fingers ran over my skin again. I felt like it was looking right into my eyes. I felt it pierce my soul and implant calming thoughts into my mind. It told me that everything was going to be ok, that it was finally over and that I did well. All I had left to do was relax and everything would be finished.

It move from my face down to my neck, my shoulders, my arms, and finally to my waist. There was nothing remotely sensual about it. It brought its head closer and closer to mine, as if it was going to kiss me. Its head was bigger than mine. The hole in its head, allowed my head into the inside of this monster. It brought it head farther and farther down on me. It head was at my shoulders. It paused. Then it continued going bring its head down to my elbows, my waist, my hips, my thighs, my calves, and finally my feet. I was completely consumed by this large monster, this huge beast, but I somehow felt safe and whole and unafraid.

Then I felt the thing move, but it didn't move with me. It moved against me in a way. I was exposed to a bright and harsh light, but it wasn't really a light, it was more of a glow. It was all consuming and irritating, and I got frustrated because that thing told me that everything would be over and this was _not_ it being over. I was pissed because that thing lied to me. Then I heard that damned banshee cry and I got pissed.

The light became less intense and I was surrounded by more of a black glow. I tried to see where I was but I couldn't, yet I could sense that I was in that place with all those things. I felt different somehow, taller, leaner, different. I didn't feel dead, I didn't feel alive, either. It was kind of like an in between and it pissed me off.

"Welcome in to the fold," that banshee laughed in my ear.

A wicked smile screwed up my face, except that I didn't have a face, just a large whole where it should have been, where it used to be. I raised my hand in front of my face and even though I shouldn't have been able to see anything, I saw my elongated fingers, cut and bloody and scabbed, and my skin was that leathery gray texture. I felt my body was covered in a black cape with a rip down the front exposed my skeleton thin body.

Suddenly another person entered this new world and I approached them curious and hungry. They were shocked to see me and utterly horrified. I let them drink me in as I came at them slowly. I think it was a boy but I couldn't be sure. I didn't really care anyway. I touched their skin and felt the softness of it, marveling at how I longed for my skin to be just like that. An overwhelming jealously consumed me and I brought my head closer to him, needing him inside me, needing him to quench this seemingly never ending hunger.

*****cCc*****

With a piercing scream I sit straight up in bed. My body covered in sweat and my covers plastered to my body. I ran to turn the light in my room and then to the mirror. I took a cursory look, just to be sure that I wasn't the thing in my dream. As soon as I verified that, I moved away from the mirror, turned on the TV, and curled into a ball on my bed.

"It was just a dream. It wasn't real."

I try to focus on the program on Nick Nite. I rock back and forth. George Lopez's voice takes me to a safe place. I try to think of something else anything else. My thoughts go back to all my fears. A person bleeds. A man in a mask stabs me in that back. Someone breaks through my window. Something under my bed is ready to grab my ankles. A ghost appears and flies through me. Something crawls out of the mirror and tries to strangle me. Someone breaks down my down and beats me to a pulp.

I can't fucking stand this fear any more.

**So ya, welcome to my hell. It's kind of hard to describe what I actually experience sometimes and most if is really juvenile. I had this idea to write some of the experiences that I go through a while ago. Like more than a year ago. I told my therapist and she said it was a good idea, and I agreed but I was petrified that if I did this that it would only make all these fear more real and be ever constant.**

**MY HISTORY READ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT MY PROBLEMS!**

**I was completely fed up with this fear. I couldn't look in the mirror because I was afraid that I would see something that I shouldn't. for example, blood mary, a ghost, something moving that shouldn't be moving. I also couldn't look down dark hall or in dark rooms, because I absolutely hate the dark and I feel like I'm going to see a ghost moving across the hall. And I already think that my house I haunted.**

**I hate being alone at night and in the dark. I get this feeling like something is going to come out and kill me. I can connect almost everything with death and my fear. I sometimes get this feeling when I'm laying on my stomach that something is going to stab me in the back. At night when I'm sleeping, I stick my right foot out from under the covers and I feel like something is going to cut off my toes. Sometime in my room I hear my dog and I think that a murder dressed in my dog's skin is coming to kill me. **

**The worst part of all of this is that I am 16 and I still sleep in the same bed as my mom because I'm too scared to be alone by myself at night. How completely pathetic is that?**

**I love horror movies and I love scary stories and I love going to Halloween festivals. I love the night and I love being alone. I much prefer the dark to the light. I'm intrigued by the ideas of ghosts and supernatural phenomenon. I love thunder and lightning storms. But all of these things absolutely terrify me at the same time. It all fucking pisses me off!**

**I tried to see a therapist last year, my choice completely, but the shit she had me do was lame as hell, I didn't have time to do fucking homework for her, and kept referring to the shit she had me do as tools and by the time it ended I wanted to tell her to shove her fucking tools up her ass. We barely talked about my fears and mostly just about my week at school. It was not a therapeutic experience. The idea to write this story was mine entirely, she didn't help with anything at all!**

**Only one of my friends understands what I'm going through, but she doesn't really. No one does, but I'm not writing this for anyone but myself. I'm trying to get better**


End file.
